Ten Mins into My Mind

1. Why do people talk to me when I am not responding. Don't they get that I am not in the mood to talk.
2. A grill is never sexy.
3. No one over 25 should sag anything.
4. Just because they made the dress in your size does not mean you should wear it.
5. If I see you talk to yourself I will assume you are schizophrenic and treat you accordingly.
6. I chose to treat you nicely and reserve the right to stop at anytime.
7. Stealing is always bad. Thieves should have their hands cut off.
8. If your toe touches the ground in your sandals then your shoe is too small. Take it off.
9. I can multi-task I do not need to be standing still to hear your drink order. I'm not drunk, you are!!!!
10. One shower per day is not a recommendation it is a minimum requirement.
11. Soap, milk, and hand sanitizer should never be diluted with water. They make that stuff they way it should be.
12. If you are wondering if I am too good for you I am. If you are wondering if you are too good for me your not. Your just conceited.
13. Don't ask if you can ask me a question. That is a question!!
14. Don't run with scissors it frightens me.
15. I hate flipping channels during commercials. Growing up with my sister (a channel flipper) has ruined that for me.
16. Everything is mine even what is yours.
17. I laugh when I cry. It makes it easier. I'm silent when I'm mad. At this point you should back away slowly. I yell when I am just goofing off. That's the appropriate time for lots of noise.
18. I only consider you family if I have consistent childhood memories of you. Therefore my sister seems to have a lot more relatives than I do.
19. I don't sleep more than 4 hours a night.
20. Dance is life!! The only thing that come close is running.
21. I'm an introverted extrovert.
22. People should say thank you, and please often.
23. If you must eat Chinese food you should eat it on the day you get it. It is not ok to eat that 2 days later.
24. Good food starts with good ingredients.
25. Feet of any animal should not be consumed.
26. Pork will not kill me and if you drink and smoke you should not bother yourself worrying about me eating some swine.
27. I'm no longer afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of cancer.
28. My ten mins are up so this list is ending.

Mr. Goodbar

Occasionally I suffer from migraines. I've had all the testing from doctors and the best they can tell me is that it is related to stress. Stress of the mundane hassles I encounter. One of my doctors recommended chocolate. I decided to give this a chance. My chocolate of choice- a Mr. Goodbar of course. I sat down on the sofa and unwrapped the package. I stared at it hungrily hoping that this would be the thing that made everything better. I gently placed it toward the back of my tongue and waited for it to work its magic. I slowly moved my tongue back and forth on the hard rich texture. I closed my eyes and imagined it erasing all my worries, all my stress, all my boredom. I used my tongue to move it back and forth and from side to side. I sucked on it to allow myself to savor every flavor. I held it in my mouth and thought of being lulled to sleep by the movement of crashing waves and the tickle of the breeze on a summer night. I sucked and sucked on it and imagined bliss and euphoria, comfort and ease. I allowed my tongue to play on it until it ultimately became a silky smooth intense explosion in my mouth. I slowly swallowed. I felt it move its way down my throat coating the passage as it descended. I opened my eyes and smiled. Thank you Mr. Goodbar for a head pleasing moment. I look forward to the next one.

He Said/ She Said

girl: I think your almost perfect

boy: Almost?

girl: You have just a few flaws

boy: Well, what are they?

girl: the major one is you don't find me irresistible